Tuesday, 1 March 2016

My family goes out

Today is Kerry's (so we'll call her) birthday.
My family is going to go out for a meal later on , without me.

I haven't seen them in ages , and they don't want to see me , but who can blame them , but behaviour was unaceptable...basicaly I screwed up big time.

Yesterday I saw a Skype status of my aunt that said :
 bleeding hell, you all donno how quick your lives will go and you can never ever get what you missed, back, not even one day........so sort out yer heads x
my family is ruined and we will die knowing that....so remember our lives aint long lived

I'm in a bit of denial about it .
But is clear that they are no music lyrics , and if she thinks that our family is ruined is because of me . Because of my fault , because I came here and ruined it for everyone else.
And they were all dying to meet me , and now they don't want to even look at me in the face , because I dissapointed them. Everywhere I look I see disspointment on me.

And the worst part is that is totally my fault.

I always thought , but they have to forgive me one day , right ?

I always expect people to understand me, but no one ever does.

I know I'm a mess , but I need some patience, maybe I ask people for too much , maybe I'm too much of  a wreck and there's no person with enough patiente in the world to hold on to me...

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