Find your ideal weight

Found out my ideal weight is 57.1kg.
And my weight should be between 49.2-66.2kg
I'm now 68,4kg. I was 70,5kg.
You can find out yours : http://www.jumboproudlyafrican.com/ideal-weight/

Stupid Mr Guru

Yes , Mr Guru the guy that thinks he is God's gift to the human race.
We had an ugly fight because he is one of this people that insult others because they don't have the same opinion as him , and think that his opinion is the only valid one and that his better than everyone.

My mum teached me to be a pessimist because you don't get dissapointed if you don't expect anything , you can only get surprised (She's deceased/Passed away)
So we were fighting because he's the kind of positive energy nazi guy.
I have no problem with people thinking like that or whatever they want , I have a problem with people trying to impose their ways on other people.

So I told him I was going to block him , which later I did.
He sent me a lot of nasty things before i got to click on the blocking settings.
Later I unblocked him but muted him , because I wanted to send him this :

i deleted your convo and muted you so don't bother talking bullshit. But i just want to tell you , that before you go ahead and tell someone that , why are they alive . "why are you even alive ?" use a bit of your tiny brain because they may not be like me and they may go and kill themselves , because of your stupid big mouthed ass.

BYE

Eating times

This is the original meal times :

• Breakfast (9 am)
• Lunch (12 pm)
• Dinner (2 pm)
• Afternoon lunch (5 pm)
• Supper (9pm)

*If you don't wake up at 9 o'clock just eat breakfast and make sure you eat your other meals every 3-4 hours

I'm a disgusting pig

I think about food way too much.
I am overweight, and no pants fit me properly , some don't fit me at all.
No wonder Yellow doesn't take me out anymore.
I ate not long ago and I am already thinking about when I can eat next.


Why do I have to be such a freaking pig , why can't I think about something else that is not fattening.

Bad night

Last night I had such a bad night I even considered getting medical/psychological help , well psychology is also medicine , right ?

I feel afraid at night many times , that's not new. But last night I felt so much fear.I was so scared.And I had all this thoughts, but not as normally , I don't know how to explain but i'll do my best...
It was like the thoughts were crowling up my head and my head was a room with 4 walls, and my thoughts were crowling up them at very high speed, while I felt fear and pain.

I remember thinking to myself really quickly:
I need help , I can't take it , I can't go on like this , it's obvious now that I need help.

I don't know if tell my dad what happened . I just don't want it to happen again , because I was terrified.That wasn't normal , there was something wrong with my head.

And It makes me scared , It makes me really scared.

But is weird telling my dad , and I'm sure he won't even take me seriously and will say that I am a fussy hipocondriac.

I don't know what to do.

My family goes out

Today is Kerry's (so we'll call her) birthday.
My family is going to go out for a meal later on , without me.

I haven't seen them in ages , and they don't want to see me , but who can blame them , but behaviour was unaceptable...basicaly I screwed up big time.

Yesterday I saw a Skype status of my aunt that said :
 bleeding hell, you all donno how quick your lives will go and you can never ever get what you missed, back, not even one day........so sort out yer heads x
my family is ruined and we will die knowing that....so remember our lives aint long lived

I'm in a bit of denial about it .

But is clear that they are no music lyrics , and if she thinks that our family is ruined is because of me . Because of my fault , because I came here and ruined it for everyone else.

And they were all dying to meet me , and now they don't want to even look at me in the face , because I dissapointed them. Everywhere I look I see disspointment on me.

And the worst part is that is totally my fault.

I always thought , but they have to forgive me one day , right ?

I always expect people to understand me, but no one ever does.

I know I'm a mess , but I need some patience, maybe I ask people for too much , maybe I'm too much of  a wreck and there's no person with enough patiente in the world to hold on to me...