Holding on

Jay and I are still together .

I am scare that I don't have what it takes.

He is great , the problem is me.

I feel like my dad gets between us, I feel like I don't have what it takes to become an independent adult and will go crazy in this house.

I feel useless.

How long is he going to have to wait until i get my shit together ?

Will he be able to ?

I'm terrified

Things have been going well between Jay and me.
We been in a second date , and I feel so good when I am with him .
But sometimes the silliest thing makes me think that everything will go wrong and then I'll just be shattered in pieces.
The worst part is that I like him way more than I ever liked anyone before.
I don't even know why I have doubts when he said he's not having second thoughts , and he's more real with me than anyone has been before.
I have doubts in myself , that's it.
I don't feel good enough to keep him , all I have to offer are nice feelings and good intentions .
I'm so freaking scared , I wish I wasn't scared , I wish I didn't had doubts in myself.
I don't want him to just be an entry more on my blog , another sad episode...
I haven't been this scared in a long time.

Jay

I meet a guy at work i really like
We'll call him Jay .
I told I like him we talk on whatsapp and work together sometimes.
He said he likes me and I told him that I like him too , but I feel like , how could he like me ?
I feel awkward and I feel fat and ugly.
I haven't seen him outside of work ,he said it could be arranged but I don't think is going to happen , I don't think he will go out with me.
Why would he ?

Find your ideal weight

Found out my ideal weight is 57.1kg.
And my weight should be between 49.2-66.2kg
I'm now 68,4kg. I was 70,5kg.
You can find out yours : http://www.jumboproudlyafrican.com/ideal-weight/

Stupid Mr Guru

Yes , Mr Guru the guy that thinks he is God's gift to the human race.
We had an ugly fight because he is one of this people that insult others because they don't have the same opinion as him , and think that his opinion is the only valid one and that his better than everyone.

My mum teached me to be a pessimist because you don't get dissapointed if you don't expect anything , you can only get surprised (She's deceased/Passed away)
So we were fighting because he's the kind of positive energy nazi guy.
I have no problem with people thinking like that or whatever they want , I have a problem with people trying to impose their ways on other people.

So I told him I was going to block him , which later I did.
He sent me a lot of nasty things before i got to click on the blocking settings.
Later I unblocked him but muted him , because I wanted to send him this :

i deleted your convo and muted you so don't bother talking bullshit. But i just want to tell you , that before you go ahead and tell someone that , why are they alive . "why are you even alive ?" use a bit of your tiny brain because they may not be like me and they may go and kill themselves , because of your stupid big mouthed ass.

BYE

Eating times

This is the original meal times :

• Breakfast (9 am)
• Lunch (12 pm)
• Dinner (2 pm)
• Afternoon lunch (5 pm)
• Supper (9pm)

*If you don't wake up at 9 o'clock just eat breakfast and make sure you eat your other meals every 3-4 hours

I'm a disgusting pig

I think about food way too much.
I am overweight, and no pants fit me properly , some don't fit me at all.
No wonder Yellow doesn't take me out anymore.
I ate not long ago and I am already thinking about when I can eat next.


Why do I have to be such a freaking pig , why can't I think about something else that is not fattening.