This is something that happened before I met my dad ,
5 years ago.
And I met Arre 2 years ago so it doesn't seem so far away.
It was times where you would see me as much time as I could drinking/ smoking or both.
I was full of anger ,but I wasn't trying to kill myself , I just didn't care if i lived.
I took too many pills , I was not even a bit scared because I didn't care about what could happen to me , I wasn't afraid to die .
They took me to the hospital , I was concious at times and I could tell people were nervous , I wasn't ...I was free , that was freedom.
I felt no pain , no anger ...for the short time that I was aware I was free ,for once in a long time I felt in peace.
Like if someone had taken all my pain off my insides, and nothing that had ever happened mattered anymore.
And it's dangerous and it's crazy to know that nearly taking my life felt so good.
So many times I wished that I had died that day...
But if i would have, i would have never met my dad , but after that may had been better for him and his life.
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